Happy New Year 2019!!

My little blog used to be about my divorce.  Or rather, how I hit rock bottom and through God’s grace made my triumphant return to the world of the living. I say “triumphant” not because I have become some huge success, but instead, to help illustrate just how depleted I was as a human. I have been hesitant to write as of late because I’m engaged. I’m getting married. The date is set. The venue is booked.  The dress has been chosen.  And the groom is such a hunk.  What gives me pause in writing about my upcoming wedding has nothing to do with the wedding itself, it’s the cold hard truth that marriage is not a promise for everyone who has gone through what I have gone through.  Just because you went through a divorce does not mean if you wish hard enough Mr. Right will come walking around the corner. I feel blessed BEYOND that I get to be Troy’s wife. Not that I get to be a wife in general.

And that’s the thing. Marriage isn’t for everyone. It just isn’t. And the goal should never be to “become” a wife or husband. The wedding isn’t the goal. The title isn’t the goal. Becoming a Mrs. Instead of a Ms. Should not be part of your New Year’s resolution list. Tapping your toe and waiting impatiently for the perfect love you feel is owed to you is no way to live your life. It’s a waste of time. Does that sound depressing? Or mean? That isn’t my intent. My ultimate point is that marriage or love or commitment just for the sake of being married is the exact opposite of what marriage is all about. 

When I was going through my divorce I felt so confused because in the deepest pit of my soul I just KNEW I was supposed to be a wife. How could something that I felt so passionate about be crumbling in front of me?  Being a wife was the biggest desire of my heart. God had given me beautiful spiritual gifts that made me a prime suspect for wifedom. I knew I could kill it at being a wife. It was a part of me. What the hell was going on? What gives? Everything was upside down and nothing made sense. But here’s the thing….God didn’t create me just to be a wife, he created me to be Troy’s wife. 

Troy needs me to be his partner. And I need him. We aren’t promised the things we think we should be promised in this life.  Not everyone is going to get a Troy. And you may have to wait longer for your Troy than I did. Or maybe you didn’t have to wait as long as I did. It’s not a race. It’s not a competition. There is no correct timeline. During this day when the whole world is making resolutions for the new year, instead of focusing on what you want to “be” focus on who you want to “be” with. Focus not on your plans for your life, but God’s wise path he has set before you. Focus on the blessings around you. The grace that surrounds you. And when you feel down about the “titles” you lack, remember you already possess the most sacred title every created: “Child of God.”

2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

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