Day 219

I only took one day off of work after I found out about the affair. At this time I was working as the Catering and Events Coordinator for a Hospitality Group in New York City. A little back story on my employment situation at the time: About 8 months earlier I had some bad health issues pop up. It was scary and painful and fixing it was going to cause some major medical attention and time. At this point I was out on an acting contract. When I wasn’t acting I was a cocktail waitress in New York City. During the initial weeks of my health issues I got a call from my boss in New York. A new position had opened up and he wanted to know if I wanted to apply. He felt like I would be a great fit. He understood I was focusing on my acting career, but he still felt compelled to tell me about the job and ask if I would apply. I talked with my husband about it and given my current health situation we felt it would be best if I stayed closer to home, closer to good doctors,  and had a job with benefits. So I applied, went through the interview process, and got the job. Little did I know then that God was just planting the seed of a blessing that would come to fruition much later.

I started my new “career” in March. So, I had only been there for about 6 months before things went south and I felt the need to take a personal day. It killed my soul to have to admit that I couldn’t make it into work, but I honestly could not make it happen. The thought of taking a shower seemed overwhelming. Eating was a chore. All I wanted to do was sleep, so functioning at my job was completely out of the question. I remember telling my boss I was dealing with a family emergency and I needed to take a day, but I would definitely be in the day after that. He didn’t press me for details. I don’t even know what I would have said to him if he had.

The next day, as promised, I showed up to work. This was harder than you’d think. Sleeping was my only form of relief. When I was asleep I didn’t feel. When I slept there was no pain. All I wanted to do was sleep. But I got up, showered, put on make up, and took the subway downtown. I don’t remember what I looked like. I hope I wasn’t a complete wreck, but it truly didn’t seem important at the time. I hadn’t planned on telling my boss the truth about my “family emergency.” I had told myself that I would tell as few people as possible. Why? Well, because I was embarrassed and ashamed and sad and hurt. I didn’t want people to hate my husband because I believed God would save our marriage and things would go back to normal. I didn’t have the energy to have the difficult conversation with people, and I didn’t want to seem weak…so I stayed silent. However, as soon as I walked in I knew I had to tell him. I had a sense that he needed to know. God was pushing me and I obeyed.

And this is where the true blessing of this job came to fruition. This job that I had been offered 6 months ago. This job that had nothing to do with what I really wanted to pursue in my life. When I talked to my boss, he was comforting. He let me cry when I needed to. He listened as I word vomited everything that had happened in the past two days. He didn’t have any answers for me or any words of wisdom, but he gave me permission to be human. He said he would keep my personal business to himself and he would help me in any way he could. In the months to come, these work colleagues that God had provided 6 months prior would be more of a blessing to me than I could have ever imagined.

Yes, these were some of the worst months of my life. Yes, God knew it would happen. And what did he do? He began providing for me 6 months BEFORE my life fell apart. He put me in a position to be comforted and understood. He also put me in the position to make money that I would later need, to have benefits that would help me to be independent when the time came, and to have a safe place to go where people genuinely cared about my well-being. The Bible tells us that God will go before us and make a way. How glorious for me to see, even in my darkest hours, God’s promises fulfilled to me…even in the most unlikely of places.

Isaiah 45:2 “I will go before you and make the rough places smooth.”

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