Day 245

I’m not the only person who this has happened to. I know that. It seems like almost every day I hear of another marriage ending, a woman waking up to find her world completely turned upside down. Her life partner becoming a stranger. Her brain turning to mush as she tries to comprehend it all. And you know what? I’ll tell you my very first thought, every time I hear about this, “I wonder what this man’s mother thinks of her son’s actions?!” Isn’t that odd? I’m sure it’s not a fair thought to think, but fair or not that is what enters my mind.

Yes, I also realize that this problem happens to men as well. But I’m not a man so I just don’t have that perspective. I’m not in any way saying that a son’s actions reflect his mother at all, but I do know that the person I have turned out to be has been highly influenced by my parents and they would be ashamed of me if I had ever behaved in such a manner. Ashamed, disappointed, sad, maybe even angry. I can imagine the way my mother grits her teeth and uses her hands to make a point. I can see the sorrow in my father’s eyes. Not living up to their expectations of me is perhaps one of my greatest fears.

So, in thinking on this, a lot of questions and emotions have come up. Why didn’t my mother-in-law want to help me? Why couldn’t she find the strength to hold her son accountable? Why, at 32, do I still so desperately want to please my parents? And if I care that much about my earthly parents, why don’t I always put that kind of emotional investment in how much I try to please my Heavenly Father? I worry about my hurt, my pain, my future…if I turned that selfish worry into selfless praise I wonder how my life would change.

Disclaimer: My parents are truly a gift from God. They make me feel loved every day of my life. They have given me two strong and beautiful sisters. In many way, they have given me my faith and help to nurture my relationship with Jesus Christ, so any issue I may have has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me…and perhaps my ex in-laws;)

Galatians 1: 10 “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

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