To fully understand the gravity and weight of a divorce, I think it’s important to discuss what led to the marriage in the first place. And although I don’t want to linger too much on this topic, because it still causes me pain, it’s vital and true, so therefore it must be included.
We started dating when I was 23. We got engaged when I was 27. We got married when I was 29. We got divorced when I was 31. There’s the timeline. Yes, we went to church together. Our families loved each other. We went through pre-marital counseling with our pastor. We discussed children, finances, careers, family, how to celebrate the holidays, etc. long before the walk to the altar. He walked my mother down the aisle at my sister’s wedding. I was there for his sister’s high school graduation. We were family before we were legally husband and wife.
Before I go further with this blog, I want to make it clear we didn’t jump into marriage blindly. We followed all the “correct” steps. He flew to my hometown to ask my father for my hand. We waited until we were both out of debt before getting engaged. We had seen each other through deaths, failures, and the stresses that come with life. We shared a respect and love for each other. We shared the same faith and worshipped together. And we still got divorced.
Our divorce doesn’t mean that I failed God, although that’s still how it feels. It doesn’t mean that following the “correct” steps won’t work for other couples. It doesn’t mean I was a bad wife. But most importantly, it doesn’t mean God loves me any less. And that is the good news, the lesson I am still learning.
Roman 8:37 “No, in all these things We are more than conquerors through Him who Loved Us.”