Day 176

I have an ex-husband.  The word itself sounds foreign to me. This blog isn’t about him, but he certainly has a lot to do with why I am writing it and it would be dishonest to not acknowledge his existence in some way.  It also isn’t fair to the story to not fully embrace what he was to my life.  He was 8 and a half years.  He was love.  He was compromise and sacrifice.  He was joy.  He was the future I had dreamed of, and now he is gone.

I was not the kind of girl who had every detail of her wedding planned out.  I had no idea what kind of dress I would wear or what flowers I would hold, but I’ve always known the kind of wife I wanted to be for my husband. I had read Proverbs 31.  I understood with absolute certainty my role as a Godly wife and I was ready for it. Bring it on! I imagined the pride my husband would feel for me, knowing that I loved him so well. A sense of peace surrounded me, I was meant for this.  To be his wife.  To love him.  To support him.

I’m writing this to remind myself that my love for him was real.  What I had to offer was beautiful and given selflessly and came from a pure place, as all gifts from God come from.  The fact that it doesn’t exist anymore doesn’t lessen the fact that it did exist…and no woman should ever regret the total and complete unassuming love she gives to the universe.

Proverbs 31:30 “A Woman Who Fears the Lord is to be Praised.”

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