Day 181

Some days are sad days. Yesterday was a sad day.  Just because the papers are signed and a judge has decreed we are no longer husband and wife doesn’t mean that the sad days end. Honestly, I don’t know when the sad days will end. Yes, there are fewer of them now then there were a year ago or even two years ago, but there are still sad days.

I am told constantly that everyone heals in different ways and that we all have different healing timelines. This is a slightly difficult concept for me to grasp because I am a very goal oriented person. I want to know the proper steps on how to heal, achieve those steps, and put the whole darn thing behind me. I’m tired of having weeks of good days and then having a bad day knock me back 100 steps. It’s frustrating, I have no control over it, and it makes me feel bad about myself. There. I said it.

But, the truth is, it’s ok to be sad. Sadness is a real emotion. It means you loved someone. Sadness is a reflection of your capability to love. And love is good. I’m not fully at a point where I can completely own that statement, but in my head I know it to be true.  And I’m not writing this blog because I’m fully healed.  I’m writing it because I’m a person who is sometimes still sad and hurt and lost. But that’s what makes me human and that’s what gives God the opportunity to restore.

I was having this very same conversation with my youngest sister, who is quite possibly the wisest person I know, and she had these words of wisdom that I feel compelled to share with the world:  “It’s not how you fall down, it’s how you get back up.” Lord, I want to be the kind of woman who gets back up with grace and dignity.  Head held high.  Heart still open.  Falling down is inevitable.  We live in a fallen world and bad things will happen to us all…but please, no matter what my personal timeline, let me remember to not only get back up; but get back up prouder, stronger, and ready to lovingly face another day…sad or not.

Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, I will help you, yes, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

One thought on “Day 181

  1. Katherine–you words completely parallel my first marriage and I know oh so well, the ills and pains of divorce. What I have learned is that there is life after divorce and that God loves me just as much as he ever did. I held on firmly to the verse “….there is nothing that can separate me from the love of God.” He led me through the desert and on to the mountain top experience. You are wise beyond your years. This is a great encouragement to newly divorced people.

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