Last year I made a list of 10 New Year’s Resolutions. Things to work on in my career, personal life, spiritual life, and also goals of what I wanted to put out into the world. I realized today that I had accomplished 9 out of the 10 items on that list…which inspired me to make my top ten list for 2016. It’s funny to look at your goals from a year ago and compare them to your goals today. In many ways I have come so far. I changed my name back to my maiden name and have really worked on liking that girl again. Discovering who she is now, owning the differences, and trying to look at the future differently and accepting that there is still joy in this unknown world I am living in.
In many ways I have also fallen short. Certain aspects of my life have been harder to handle. I have lacked growth in areas that I had assumed would be easier to conquer. It’s a difficult balance in congratulating yourself for your mini milestones and still realizing your flaws. Sometimes I want to scream to the universe, “I’m still here! I survived this. I went a whole year making a living doing what I love to do most in the world. Go me!” But then that other voice inside of me objects, “Let’s get real…I’m based out of my parents home and live out of my Honda.” It’s clearly a fine line.
This is what I have decided: I must constantly hold myself accountable, raise my standards, and strive to be proud of myself every day…but I must also take joy in those small achievements. It isn’t bragging…it’s finding peace. Last New Year’s Eve I was completely and utterly depressed. I had no idea what I was doing with my life. I felt terrible about myself. I felt lost. Sad. Sad. Sad. Friends called me from a party they were all attending and as gracious as it was of them to think of me, it made me feel so alone. I took a selfie with my dog and went to bed early vowing that next year would be different. And it is.
Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve and I’m not depressed. At least not in the same way. I’m still “alone” for lack of a better term, but I certainly have a clearer understanding of who I am and what I like about myself. My scope has definitely gotten larger and I’ve grown to learn how many other people have experienced pain or personal setbacks or loss. There’s a whole clan of us who have had to wake up, grab our lives by the tail, and say “I’ve Got This!”
So, on this New Year’s Eve, I want to say “Cheers!” Cheers to everyone whose heart is hurting, but still glorifies Jesus Christ. Cheers to those who don’t know where life will take them, but have put their trust in The Lord. Cheers to the women who suddenly have to do it all alone with only the faith that God is with them every step of the way. Cheers to you! You are my inspiration. You are strong. You are worthy. You are proof that even while you are still working on your lives, God is still working on you.
Philippians 1:6 “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
2 thoughts on “Day 327”
I’m blessed by EVERY. SINGLE. Word You have written. You are anointed for this season of writing. I’m assured that this is one tool God is using to bless, encourage, sharpen, teach and mold others. What you have learned from the hurts and hurdles of your journey have application for ALL who have had any form of heartache to overcome. Keep writing. God is building your ministry.
I love “You are proof that even while you are still working on your lives, God is still working on you”. It totally resonated with my soul. In hard times I try to remember that God divinely equipped me to be able to handle this struggle. He has never left me even when I left him.